23:21:12 UTC - Thursday, December 31, 2009 in
Film,
Games,
Misc,
Music,
Social Games
Best Multiplayer: Call of Duty 4/Battlefield 1943
Best Story: Fable 2
Best game song: Daft Punk Vs Gary Numan – Technologic Vs Cars (DJ Hero)
Best demo: Battlefield 1943
Best Innovation: Tie – Proper DLC (Gay Tony)/Retail-quality original XBLA (1943, Shadow Complex)
Best game you probably never played: Shadow Complex
Average game I never completed: Mass Effect (we’ll be seeing you again…)
Film
Best film: District 9
Worst film: Observe & Report
Best film you haven’t seen: Trouble the Water
Best film you might have seen as I mentioned it: Death Race
Worst film I paid money to sit through: – (not much free time this year, with the masters)
Most hyped film, that turned out to be pretty decent: District 9
Music
Best album: Tie - The Who – Who’s Next/Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon/Seán Ó Riada – Ó Riada Sa Gaiety
Best new song: David Guetta – If We Ever/DJ Shadow – Organ Donor (Extended Overhaul)
Best old song: Tie - Pink Floyd – Any Colour You Like/Seán Ó Riada – Iníon An Phailitínigh/The Rolling Stones – Gimme Shelter
TV
Best new series: Tie - Modern Family/The Good Wife
Best old series: Lie to Me
Worst new series: Tie - Trauma/V
Best series continuation: Dexter s04
Worst series continuation: Heroes s04 (I’ve stopped watching it)
Best final: Dexter s04
Misc:
Best moment: Jan 20 (whole day really)/Mar 20 (hellz yeah)/Oct 16 (phew!)
Best night out: Jan 16/Jan 20
Best book I never finished: Robert Fisk – The Great War for Civilisation (two years, I’m now halfway through it)
Best mindset change: Keep going, it’s only three months (June-September)
Worst occurrence: Pretty much all of May
Biggest disappoint of 2009: D (holy shit, r u srs?)
December 31st, 2009 in
Film,
Games,
Misc,
Music,
Social
22:51:15 UTC - Wednesday, December 2, 2009 in
Film I’m quite a fan of the core premise of Leap Year (YT) – the idea that a girl can ask a guy to marry her on February 29, simply as I’m a big romantic at heart. The execution, of course, is total shit.
The following is based off the trailer:
TRENDY MANHATTAN DRESS SHOP
———–
IDIOT FRIEND
OMG I JUST SAW YOUR BOYFRIEND COMING OUT OF A JEWELLERY SHOP WITH A BAG!! OMG YOU’RE TOTALLY GETTING MARRIED COS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN BUY IN A JEWELLERY SHOP IS A WEDDING RING!!!!!!! HOW LONG’VE YOU BEEN GOING OUT NOW, SIX MONTHS?!?!*
*I know someone who wanted to drop hints to the boyfriend about engagement rings at this point in the relationship.
AMY ADAMS
OMG R U SRS?!!?!
IDIOT FRIEND
QUICK LET’S PRACTICE HOW YOU’LL REACT WHEN HE ASKS YOU!!!!!
MEN IN AUDIENCE
[thinking] Do all women do this? That’s fucking weird.
TRENDY MANHATTAN RESTAURANT
———–
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND gives AMY ADAMS a BOX.
AMY ADAMS
WHAT THE FUCK, THIS ISN’T A FUCKING WEDDING RING!?!?
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND
Ur…yeah…they’re some earrings…do you not like them? They cost a month’s salary like… Anyway, I’m off to Dublin. That’s in eye-er-land.
AMY talks to HER DAD, who is TRINITY KILLER FROM DEXTER (DEXTER is a FUCKING AWESOME SHOW), he suggests going to EYE-ER-LAND to PROPOSE to SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND on February 29th. This isn’t too bad a plot device. AMY flies GAELIC AIR to EYE-ER-LAND.
GAELIC AIR PLANE (during turbulence)
———–
AMY
I’m not going to die without getting engaged!
MEN IN AUDIENCE (shifting in seat uncomfortably beside significant other)
[thinking] Are all women this insecure?
The pilot says they’re landing in CARDIFF, but she ends up in the MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE IN EYE-ER-LAND.
CARAGH’S “BAR” in THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE
———–
AMY
I need a taxi to Dublin?
RANDOM OIRISH GUY
Holy jesus! A woman under the age of 65! Holy god!
RANDOM OIRISH GUY has a HEART ATTACK and DIES.
SUAVE IRISH BOYFRIEND
You realise asking for a fucking taxi to Dublin from a pub in the middle of nowhere is a bit like me going into a pub in the Nevada desert and asking for a taxi to Los Angeles, yeah? Fuck it, you’re savage, I’ll take ya. Anyway, you’re the first Irish person under 65 I’ve ever met!
AMY and IRISH DRIVE TO DUBLIN in a CAR that DID NOT PASS THE NCT as IT’S 80 YEARS OLD, and therefore is ILLEGALLY ON THE ROAD. They have a conversation in THE FAKEST FAKE CAR YOU’VE EVER SEEN**. They encounter A LOAD OF COWS ON THE ROAD WITH NO FARMER. Cos, y’know, there’s cows all the time on the main road to Dublin from anywhere. Something happens where AMY makes the car go into a river. If IRISH had TAKEN THE CAR to an NCT he would’ve found out the HANDBRAKE DIDN’T WORK, so he had it coming.
IRISH
Holy jesus, that’s the only car in the village gone now! I hope you’re happy. Holy god!
AMY
Hahahaha, I’m soooo like a fish out of water! Omg!
A ROOM in “THE VILLAGE”
———–
AMY attempts to charge her BLACKBERRY, in doing so causes a BLACKOUT in “THE VILLAGE”.
AMY
You fried my Blackberry!
IRISH
Holy jesus, you fried the whole village! We only got electricity here last July y’know. Also, in Ireland we eat blackberries. Holy god!
AMY
Hahahahaha, no it’s like a “cell” phone.
IRISH
Holy jesus, WTF’s a phone, we only got the telegraph machine in after the electricity. Holy god!
AMY
Hahahaha, I’m soooo like a fish out of water! Omg!
They find a B&B from the 1950s.
1950s B&B
———–
1950s WOMAN
Holy jesus, I’ve got a room for ye. Just one room is it? Ye are married aren’t ye? Cos this is a CATHOLIC country, and no two people can be sleeping in one bed if they’re not married, especially homosexuals! You’ll go to HELL! Holy god!
AMY and IRISH later have dinner in the 1950s B&B.
1950s MAN
Holy jesus, give your wife a kiss there, despite my wife having incredibly conservative sexual morals, there’s nothing I like seeing more than a bit of tongue. Go on, lash it into her there. Ignore this empty bottle of whiskey beside me, every Irish man over the age of 65, [addressing IRISH] that’s every man except you, is an alcoholic. Holy god!
A MONTAGE ensues, showing AMY on a BOAT, AMY and IRISH at a WEDDING that she PREDICTABLY RUINS, and AMY and IRISH on a bench as the 133 (Dublin Airport – Arklow) bus goes by. They get to Dublin. IRISH is just about to say something, SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND gets in before him.
SOME NICE BUILDING IN DUBLIN
———–
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND
Will you marry me?
AMY
Ah, no, cos I mean we’ve been going out for four years [this was actually the length of time, according to the blurb], but I’ve really gotten to know this random guy from EYE-ER-LAND over the last 2-3 days, so I’m obviously going to throw my entire relationship with you.
The MEN in the AUDIENCE SQUIRM.
END
ALTERNATE “REALISTIC” VERSION
[The film is the same up until SUAVE IRISH BOYFRIEND says he'll drive her to Dublin]
SUAVE IRISH BOYFRIEND
I’ll drive you to Dublin yeah. Sure if you’re just going to see your boyfriend, there’s no point in me hanging round so I’ll drop you to the Luas park and ride, I can be up and back in four hours via the N7. Hold on till I just use my iPhone to tell the lads I won’t be over to re-watch the Wales match. You can wait by my car outside if you want, it’s the 04 Golf. Better make the trip quick as I’ve got a wife and 1.3 kids at home, and I’ve got to go to work with a tech multinational in the morning. Fuck it actually, I’ll just drop you to the bus and you can get that to Dublin.
AMY gets the BUS to DUBLIN. It takes 17 HOURS.
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND
Will you marry me?
AMY
Course I will, you’re everything to me you are 
MEN IN AUDIENCE
[thinking] Phew, hopefully my proposal will go like that!
END 2
ALTERNATE “SUPER REALISTIC” VERSION
TRENDY MANHATTAN DRESS SHOP
———–
IDIOT FRIEND
Hey, I just saw your boyfriend coming out of a jewellery shop! He might’ve got you something!
AMY
Aww, he’s lovely.
TRENDY MANHATTAN RESTAURANT
———–
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND gives AMY ADAMS a BOX.
AMY
Awww, these earrings are GORGEOUS! I love you!
SUAVE AMERICAN BOYFRIEND
I love you too. Here, I’m off to Ireland for a bit, but you fancy getting engaged when I get back?
AMY
OMG YES!!! *cries with happiness*
The film’s entire running time is about 90 seconds.
END 3
And there you have it. No need to go see it at all.
For all its stereotypes and shit, it’s like The Godfather compared to Letters to Juliet (YT). Sweet. Jesus.
**Car so fake it makes 24′s cars look real:
December 2nd, 2009 in
Film
12:34:25 UTC - Sunday, September 6, 2009 in
Film,
Technology Gonna rewatch Transporter 2 next week (last time I saw it, I was expecting “plot”, “acting” and “characterisation”, but this time I’ll just be expecting AWESOME), was flicking through it today, and saw this scene:
Which is when some good guy is looking for information on some bad guy.
Apparently all you’ve to do to get information on a bad guy is logon as Guest to a US Marshal’s computer and do “ls Applications/”, sorted!
Respect to them for at least trying to make the applications seem to be law enforcement related though.
September 6th, 2009 in
Film,
Technology
01:11:17 UTC - Sunday, August 16, 2009 in
Film Film: 4/5 (surprisingly, I actually enjoyed it quite a bit)
Awesomeness: 4/5 (more JASON == MORE AWESOME)
CARS RACING
———–
The film starts with A GUY IN A MASK with a HOTTIE in the passenger seat racing against ONE OF THE GUYS FROM FOUR BROTHERS. The cars can SHOOT and stuff.
BROTHER GUY
I got you now mother fucker!
HOTTIE EJECTS and THE BROTHER GUY BLOWS UP MASKY. MASKY’S car CROSSES the FINISH LINE in FIRST anyway.
STEEL MILL
———–
JASON’S just finished work, and is now UNEMPLOYED, along with the REST OF THE STEEL MILL. The WORKERS are DISGRUNTLED. A SWAT TEAM shows up for NO REAL REASON. JASON BEATS THE SHIT out of THE SWAT TEAM, again for NO REAL REASON. He then GOES HOME.
JASON’S HOME
———–
JASON’S WIFE is actually QUITE A CATCH. She’s SMART, NICE and PRETTY.
JASON
Lost me job. No money. BEAT THE SHIT out of some SWAT guys.
WIFE
I think you’re forgetting I married you for your non-financial assets.
AUDIENCE
Boo yeah!
JASON
Like…my MASSIVE KNOB?
WIFE
Ya
Before they can HAVE SEX, their BABY DAUGHTER STARTS CRYING OR SOMETHING. JASON GOES to HAVE A SHOWER. JASON’S WIFE is MURDERED and HE’S FRAMED. The AUDIENCE feel GENUINE SYMPATHY, unusual for a film like this.
AUDIENCE
Awww, she was lovely.
JASON gets PUT IN JAIL.
AUDIENCE
Can see where this is going, seeing as the film’s called “Death Race”
PRISON ISLAND
———–
JASON BEATS THE SHIT out of HIS CELLMATES. A GUARD comes to INVESTIGATE.
JASON
They slipped.
AUDIENCE
OH NO THEY DIDN’T YOU BADASS!!
JASON goes for LUNCH. He then BEATS THE SHIT out of some NEO-NAZIS. IAN MCSHANE, who I haven’t seen in anything else, but was in NBC’s Kings, is WATCHING.
IAN
I guess he didn’t like the oatmeal either.
There’s some PLOT EXPOSITION between JASON and PAMELA LANDY from THE BOURNE FILMS.
PAMELA
Basically, you’ve to enter into a race where everyone can kill each other cos the previous best guy is dead but we need him for ratings but he wore a mask so nobody’ll know it’s you and if you win you’ll get your freedom.
JASON
No.
(pause)
Okay.
RACE STAGE 1
———–
It’s RACE DAY. There’s a pretty funny VOICE OVER SATIRE of REALITY TELEVISION. JASON gets READY. He’s joined by HOTTIE as a NAVIGATOR. It’s not a great PLOT POINT, but the WRITERS are FORGIVEN.
HOTTIE
Better looking than the last Frank.
AUDIENCE
Aww, she’s lovely too!
The FIRST STAGE of DEATH RACE takes place. The RACE itself isn’t TERRIBLY INTERESTING, but SHIT BLOWS UP A LOT, which is cool. JASON wants to USE NAPLAM on another RACER.
JASON
(to HOTTIE)
Get in my lap.
One of several LAUGH OUT LOUD moments occurs with a SHOT OF THE PIT CREW EXCHANGING GLANCES.
HOTTIE GETS ON JASON’S LAP.
HOTTIE
Is that a gun in your pocket?
JASON
No.
(pause)
That’d be my erection.
An AWESOME bit occurs involving NAPLAM, an EJECTOR SEAT and AN EXPLOSION.
JASON recognises THE GUY THAT KILLED HIS WIFE.
RACE STAGE 2
———–
Same stuff as RACE 1. Still not TERRIBLY INTERESTING. JASON chooses OFFENSIVE over DEFENSIVE WEAPONS at one stage, despite being in THE LEAD.
HOTTIE
Take defence!
JASON
No
(pause)
There’s someone I need to kill
AUDIENCE
OHHHHHHH SHIT!!!
JASON KILLS the GUY WHO KILLED HIS WIFE.
RACE STAGE 3
———–
Turns out PAMELA had JASON’S WIFE KILLED. She wants to KILL JASON before he WINS THE LAST RACE and puts a BOMB on his CAR.
JASON
Looks like the odds are stacked against us.
HOTTIE
Do what you do best.
(pause)
Drive.
AUDIENCE
YOU TELL HIM GIRL!!!
During the RACE, JASON, HOTTIE and BROTHERS GUY manage to ESCAPE THE PRISON in their CARS. HOTTIE pretends to be MASKY and JASON and BROTHERS GUY ESCAPE.
IAN sends THE BOMB PAMELA put on JASON’S CAR BACK TO HER. SHIT BLOWS UP.
IAN (looking at camera)
I love this game
MEXICO (six months later)
———–
JASON and BROTHERS are working on CARS in MEXICO. HOTTIE ARRIVES. She’s REALLY HOT.
AUDIENCE
DAMN!!
JASON’S got HIS DAUGHTER BACK.
AUDIENCE
Awww
THE FILM ENDS
AUDIENCE
That wasn’t bad at all!
———–
One major problem? The BEST MOVIE LINE EVER was in the trailer but not in the actual film:
PAMELA
The rules are simple…THERE ARE NO RULES
AUDIENCE
THAT’S A FUCKING AWESOME LINE!!
August 16th, 2009 in
Film
